A bra made of algae? Eww!

Here's the thing, Gabriela: You will never need to know algebra. I have never once used it and never once even rued that I could not use it. You will never need to know -- never mind want to know -- how many boys it will take to mow a lawn if one of them quits halfway and two more show up later -- or something like that. Most of math can now be done by a computer or a calculator. On the other hand, no computer can write a column or even a thank-you note -- or reason even a little bit. If, say, the school asked you for another year of English or, God forbid, history, so that you actually had to know something about your world, I would be on its side. But algebra? Please.

Gabriela, sooner or later someone's going to tell you that algebra teaches reasoning. This is a lie propagated by, among others, algebra teachers. Writing is the highest form of reasoning. This is a fact. Algebra is not. The proof of this, Gabriela, is all the people in my high school who were whizzes at math but did not know a thing about history and could not write a readable English sentence. I can cite Shelly, whose last name will not be mentioned, who aced algebra but when called to the board in geography class, located the Sahara Desert right where the Gobi usually is. She was off by a whole continent.

Let's see now. Richard Cohen's column displays some obviously bad reasoning. Not everyone can run a four-minute mile, make creme bulee, or sing the second verse of the national anthem, but that doesn't imply that running, baking, or FranceScottKeyology is “the highest form of reasoning”. Not formally, not intuitively, not even rhetorically.

Elsewhere in the column, Richard reveals that he did not pass algebra.

Coincidence? Or satire?

Comments

[DC]

This is the kind of guy that grocery stores love. "Why, this sign's bigger! It must be a great deal!"

[Amandarama]

I passed algebra.

I can make creme brulee.

I know the second verse of the national anthem.

I teach English.

But that guy is still a dingbat.

[Algebra to the limit]

The funny thing is that he blames algebra instead of the teachers. But I agree with him completely, LA does not have the moral right to deny Gabriella her high-school diploma just because she could not tie her shoes. All americans are born equal, with the right to a high-school diploma, right? (Except for the ones that can do algebra and have money, they are equal more.)

[Kim]

I vote that it's a proof by contradiction. The author sets out by assuming that algebra does not teach reasoning, that the true test of reasoning is writing skill. But here we have an example of a perfectly grammatical English sentence - in fact, whole essay - which displays absolutely no reasoning at all! Therefore, we have reached a contradiction, and we must conclude that algebra does teach reasoning skills and that it should be required for high-school graduation. Q.E.D.

Somehow I find this far more satisfying than simply concluding that he's an idiot.