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I am a full professor and (for a few more weeks) an associate department head in the computer science department at a large midwestern university whose abbreviation sounds like "ew yuck" if you read it out loud. I teach algorithms. I do research in computational geometry, computational topology, and graph algorithms. I exist.

Ernie Pan was born on April 1, 1988 in Houston, Texas. He makes 3D pancakes. His 1988 annual salary and his zipcode are both 70707. He has a dog named Bo-bo. His email address is [email protected]. He doesn't exist.

The picture is "Little Jester in a Trance" (or "Fool in a Trance") by Paul Klee (1929). The picture exists, but the little jester doesn't. Or something.

Everything on is licensed under a Creative Commons License, except, of course, for obvious quotations of other people's work, which probably isn't.