So say we all.

When all else is lost, and one’s scientific paper is beginning to make too much sense, read too clearly, and display too much insight and enthusiasm, I have one last recommendation that can help the author to maintain the essential boring tone. My advice is to make sure that all written statements, even trivial ones, must be supported by one or more references. It does not matter that these statements are self-evident or that they comply with well-established knowledge, add a reference, or preferable 3–5, anyhow.

Excessive quotation can be developed to perfection such that the meaning of whole paragraphs is veiled in the limited space between references. This technique maintains the boring quality of scientific publications by slowing down the reader, hiding any interesting information, and taking up valuable space. When authors are unsure of which paper to cite, they should always resort to citing their own work regardless of its relevance.

—Kaj Sand-Jensen, “How to write consistently boring scientific literature”, Oikos 116:723–727, 2007.

A scientific manuscript is intended to communicate new information and to teach new material to a willing audience. Many authors forget this simple fact; rather, they view the writing process as an opportunity to bolster their own egos and impress the reader, even discomfit the reader somewhat, either with too much material or too little.

—Stephen D. Senturia, “How to Avoid the Reviewer’s Axe: One Editor’s View”, J MEMS 12(3):229–232, 2003.

[via MF]